"The Naughty Step" - why I hate it

'Go and sit on the naughty step now!'

I heard a friend's wife say these exact words to her 4 year old daughter after she had been 'rude' to her mum. The girl eventually sat on one of the steps on the stairs - clearly the one bearing the invisible label 'the naughty step'. After what appeared to be a random amount of time, her mother said very clearly 'don't be rude to me again'. The girl agreed and off she went to run around in circles in the garden with her brother.

I hate the naughty step. I hate everything about it. why?

• what does a child learns from sitting on it? (I am naughty)
• the self-determining internal labeling that goes on internally for a child (I am naughty) often leads to negative self-image (there's something bad about me)
• this has a direct influence on reinforcing problematic behaviour
• a child learns absolutely nothing about behaving differently by sitting on a naughty step
• it reinforces a view of human behaviour that "naughty" behaviour is based upon a deficit of self. It does not take into account any interactive view of the causation of a behaviour difficulty (ie its about me and what is happening to me at a given time)

My advice to parents - when they ask me that is - is to get rid of 'naughty' places (steps, chairs, corners of rooms, whatever) and replace them with 'thinking' places. the difference between sitting on a naughty step as a punishment and sitting on a thinking step as a sanction for unacceptable behaviour is massive. 'Sit there and think about your behaviour and what needs to be different please and I will talk to you about it in two minutes'. then you can talk to a child about what you want them to do rather than let them have some 'time out' and then remind them of what you don't want them to do.

Despite this happening at the house, and my mind going into overdrive about developing the concept of 'self' in those that you love, especially your children...I must say they had some beautiful red wine that I enjoyed drinking